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♥ Sunday, February 19, 2006♥

I made up a list of goals that i want to reach by my next birthday. The main goal is to get my mom to trust me again. It's hard to do because in a way I still do fear her. It's just the way see her. I don't know why it is that way. But it is very hard. I told DJ to call me on the weekends now. He has a actually girlfriedn, and plus I do not need to spen up my time on the phone when I should be focusing on school. My mom also told me to grow up, and that is what I intend to do. Being a kid is not me anymore, I guess. I am also on a new path to rightousness, I guess. Since I did start reading the bible again. I need to right. SO that I can get the right common sense and wisdom. It is a rough start for me but I hopefully can get better. I feel that I should take this path alone, it will be better this way. My mom also told me that I should love myself...but dont I? I think it is something that comes from within, and I need to do some seraching to find that. I know it is going to difficult for me but as they say the sun comes up after the storm....I guess. Well for a while my days will be cloudly, I just want to be able to enjoy the victory in the end. You know? Good news is I have not be overspending. That is another one of my gaols. To maintain finacail stability. But I also have to build my faith, and that means reading the Bible. The more I read the more I know. It hurts a bit to be alone, but this is the first few days, I cannot break. If I do then it is back to square one. I also need to learn to have faith in my self. I need to act it, and build my ego and not look to others for support. I can do this. I have to do this if I have to survive. It must be done at all costs.


my donut-addict STOPS!