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♥ Monday, April 25, 2005♥

Today Shorty told me that Nick tried to kill himslef over Amanda, his girl friend. I was thinking "why would he want to do such a thing? he has so much to live for." Shorty told me that his dad said that sucide is the punk ass way out. I would say coward but he in a way is kinda right. Why get lost and all caught up in one girl and then kill yourslef over it. Then you will defeat your pourpose for living at all. Taking aaway from a great destiny that you have. Well Nick is currently in the hospital getting his stomach pumped. So for now every thing will be alright. Or will it? I personaly did want to kill myslef once upon a time. I just never told anyone except for my mom. She understands. But in a way I still down because 1. I don't know why I am here on this earth 2. What is my pourpose for living? 3. How can I do this while getting closer to God? I have been caught up in it since last Wednesday when Mrs.C was saying that "you will not be ready to minister and save people in June" or something along those lines. But I could tell that the audiance was really getting on her nerves. I am getting serious about what I want to do, and I when Jesus comes I want to be ready. I need to be ready. I want to quit being a lukewarm Christian. I feel that it is time for me to persue my dream, no scratch that God's destiny. That sounds better. I am not going to be doing this for myself but I want to do it for God. I really want to to. I just need help taking the next step. I have accepted Him into my life, but in a way I still feel incomplete. I need help.


my donut-addict STOPS!