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♥ Saturday, February 26, 2005♥

I went to the pizza party today.K-man, Domino and Geo came late. it was great and all. I had seperated K-man from me, because he was late and also he was wanting to have a serious discussion with me. But I was having a good time. I don't know I am so confused. It's so late in the night now, but I had tons of fun. And yet he pecked me on the cheek as I was huggin him to leave. I know I was totally fliting with him, but I didn't think he would take it seriously....or did he. We was in Best BUy and I was playing Mario Party with Stacy, so I was pourposefully bumping in to him... like bouncing off of him and stuff. It was cool. His mother called and I hugged him later and then bam there it was *muah* just like that and then he ran off.

The more I think about it the more confused and hot that I feel. It wasn't a first kiss but like a first peck. What could I do or say after that moment?! My body froze and my face felt numb, yet however I felt nothing, on my face or on my body. NO boy could ever go that far with me. Is he really trustworthy, or just toying with my emotions? Geez it gives me a headache. My mother is edgy about me and him becouse we don't know his family like that. Was he in the spur of the moment? Was I in the spur of the moment?

Sheesh I don't want to hear a love song,or even draw about love...but all i want to feel his body close to mine...wow that sounds sexual and perverted. But he is comfy? Is that the right word? Is a just a simple peck like that going to screw me over? In tv and in movies girls get happy when they get one of those, like they are one step closer to getting the real thing, the full fledged kiss. But what is a kiss really, just felh touching flesh, lips to lips, but it invades the personal space and the hyigene of it all. And I thought divorce was confusing, damn. I want to cry and make it go away but the tears won't activate. I cant' ever tell my mom this, she won't accept it. Is hs feelings for me strong? Or is it just a rush of harmones or adreline?

He texted me at later this night say that "we need to talk" Am I going to have a prono dream of him...with me? I am a good girl I know it. This is what I wish for me to happen, I mean to happen to me, but one thing I do know is that I am not going to avoid him, that's not me. I don't want to be scared, I don't want him to be scared. AM I the one who is scared?


my donut-addict STOPS!